My mother tells me this story from time to time of when I was born. A few days after bringing me home I was crying and would not stop. The kind of cry that worries a mother. After much examination and stress my mother noticed that I was actually pulling my own hair. I had grabbed a handful of hair and pulled and in doing so started to cry and grasped tighter and pulled harder as if the reaction warranted further aggression. As if I was trying to punish the hair for causing me pain by pulling it harder. Now, quite a few years later I find that sometimes my life is an extended metaphor of that moment. I should consider cutting my hair shorter.
A strange dream I had that reminded me about the different methodologies for taking notes that I don’t use but might be useful to you.
I tend to avoid falling asleep as an attempt to avoid “Tomorrow”. See, as soon as I fall asleep, I will wake up and it will be “Tomorrow”. Usually “Tomorrow” lands on a work day so I don’t like it much. Moreover, I like the “End of Today” a lot, so I try to stretch that out as much as possible. This, however, is detrimental to my mental capacity for the first few hours of “Tomorrow”, but does contribute to the financial betterment of the coffee industry. Which ultimately makes “End of Today” better for everyone. You know, just trying to do my part.
I’ve returned to writing recently. Offline obviously as my blog seems a little lack luster lately. I’m enjoying it and looking forward to having a rough draft by November. That way I can go into nanwrimo without a lingering idea and I can start fresh with something new. While I’ve heard of nanwrimo in the past, this will be my first year in participating. I’m registered and I’m trying hard to work out a schedule to finish on time. If you don’t know, nanowrimo is National Novel Writing Month and is a challenge and competition of sorts where writers of all types try to complete a novel of 50,000 words in a month. Which is going to be a daunting task for anyone who has a full time job that isn’t writing. I’m looking forward to that as well as another few projects that I have sparked. Also I’ve finally settled on a new house. I’ll be moving in a few weeks and I hope the new environment brings inspiration and perspective. The major thing it will have is space, I’ll have a full studio to work in and I’m super excited for that.
I tend not to speak much anymore. I used to be much more animated and lively, etc. Recently there is little to be lively about that I tend not to speak. I’m not mute but muted. I hope this ends soon. I’m considering an idea to force myself to speak daily. Maybe this will help. Maybe the conversation with the air will lead to less forced vocabulary. More on this project soon.
I’m currently on the second D and it’s not going well. Something needs to change and change soon. I’m not sure what or when it will be but I hope I notice it.