As a boy one of your driving forces is to make your Father proud. A lot of what I’ve accomplished are in many ways attempts at making my Father proud of me. now I’ll forever be quietly less motivated because he’s no longer here. It’s something I never thought of, something I couldn’t have been prepared for. What do you do when part of your reasoning is gone? Like missing brain matter.
I’ll probably keep on punishing myself for a great many things, like distance, frequency of phone calls and lack of interest in his trade but that will pass I’m told.
I was told so many things since it happened and so many tried to comfort me. However I do not want their comfort, I will not take their comfort. Today I will be without comfort and if I die today I will die uncomforted.