I’m currently on the second D and it’s not going well. Something needs to change and change soon. I’m not sure what or when it will be but I hope I notice it.

As a boy one of your driving forces is to make your Father proud. A lot of what I’ve accomplished are in many ways attempts at making my Father proud of me. now I’ll forever be quietly less motivated because he’s no longer here. It’s something I never thought of, something I couldn’t have been prepared for. What do you do when part of your reasoning is gone? Like missing brain matter.
I’ll probably keep on punishing myself for a great many things, like distance, frequency of phone calls and lack of interest in his trade but that will pass I’m told.
I was told so many things since it happened and so many tried to comfort me. However I do not want their comfort, I will not take their comfort. Today I will be without comfort and if I die today I will die uncomforted.

Returned from watching A Chorus Line. I must say I enjoyed the performance thoroughly. I’ve seen the film adaptation several times but seeing it on stage was a worthwhile endeavor. However there was an over makeup’ed women a few seat down from me. You could smell her cheap powder and upon the lights going up she proceeded to spray six to seven spritz’s of perfume on herself. Needless to say, a short inhale later and I could taste the dollar 99 mist at the back of my mouth and proceeded to gag a little. Then as the parade of people made their way to the exit a woman was kind enough to step on my jeans and rip them. To her, many thanks for not being at all apologetic.

Sweeney Todd is coming to the fisher soon, might check it out. I hope Cabaret makes its way to the D soon.

For some reason my family decides to make an exorbitant amount of food during the holidays. While all the cooking was going on, kept wondering why I need to make enough potatoes for 20 or a giant ham. The sad thing was that I had not enjoyed a holiday with my family in a long time and I had forgotten exactly what it was like. There are only five of us but we had enough food for about 35 people, I would say. Here is the amazing thing about my family, they make that much for not just for themselves but for others. During these Holiday’s there is an endless stream of visitors that come to visit my parents and pay their respects and all the food is mainly for all of them. Through out the day people would come in and have some ham or potatoes or a tamale. Or they just came to enjoy one of the many deserts that were made. We had enough sugar filled dishes to kill a small room of diabetics. Needless to say I had simply forgotten what it was like to have so many family members and family friends nearby. I had forgot the very nature of my culture but I quickly got into the groove of giving hugs and kissing cheeks. I miss this type of living from time to time but I do not miss this place itself. However, I’m willing to survive on these brief remberences of culture as I continue to search for something larger than myself.

I’ve just returned from seeing Synecdoche, the latest Charlie Kaufman movie, and I enjoyed the movie quite a bit, some parts are truely hilarious. However I doubt many will. As a matter of fact several comments from neighboring patrons included “I’m glad it’s over” and “What the hell was that all about?” Two people behind us decided to leave near the end, oddly about 15 minutes till the end. Why not stay till the punctuation mark?

Anyway, why they left: The movie is a classic example of postmodernism, throwing the sequence of time out the window as well as being rather self referential. Someone not accustomed to the genre or Kaufman films in general would find the movie hard to follow. Ironically I enjoyed the film for the very reasons that some left. I found it interesting and well layered but about the beginning of the second act I noticed a surprising similarity to Six Characters in Search of an Author. Which gave me a basis for understanding the movie without much explanation. So I spent the movie admiring the details as I no longer had to pay attention to the road signs. I think that is the key to Kaufman movies.

It was enjoyable and interesting, my only wish was that it didn’t hand it to you on a silver platter at the end. He decided to simply beat you over the head with the message at the end like so many art films I wanted to enjoy. Children of Men is a good example of this. Small spoiler: I wanted the movie to end when Hoffman gets the role of Ellen near the end, just after he enters the door.

Watch the trailer and if you are into a slightly tougher read, then give it a go.

I used to be able to write. I was able to compile large sentences and group them into paragraphs more often than twice. Now it seems an arduous task to contribute more than 140 characters to any singular idea. Moreover the idea of paralysis begins to set in. Am I unable to deliver witty banter and embed code? Will my hands weigh heavy of stone despite my will for them to move. I clamor to think of the root of this paralysis; some sort of disease, congenital defect or injury? I rationalize that the thoughts are simply gone like the moments before a blow to the head. Spilled on the floor from the resonance of a blunt object.

If I were blessed with amnesia from the injury then every possibility would be new. However we are cursed to be the observer.

Thank You for Voting.

So, utterly bored one day, me and my buddy Rollie decided to revive a podcast we did together called september29th named after his blog. This time however, we decided to make it video. Below is the end result. If you dig it you can subscribe via iTunes or RSS, as I’m sure this won’t be the last of them.