Have you ever felt out of place. I mean really out of place, not like wearing khaki’s and a button shirt to a black tie affair. But the kind of out of place where you look around and in every direction it is painfully obvious you don’t belong there. I’ve had several of these types of encounters usually in the south, being a person of color, sometimes you just walk in the wrong door.

Nevertheless I ended up in a Bass Pro Shop today to meet some people for lunch in the restaurant in the back. Apparently not only is it a giant wonderland of hunting and fishing gear but there was a mediocre fish restaurant in the back. It was about as good as any Red Lobster, so rather mediocre at best. Just walking in to the store I felt that sense of discomfort, like walking into the lingerie department without a girl to accompany you or ending up the wing-man and being left with the ugly drunk friend at the table, trying to get her to eat bread and drink water so she doesn’t get any ideas. So as my Oh Shit meter goes off I notice quickly the amount of dead animals on the wall. I was rather distressed about that but before that even had a chance to settle I was faced with a display of a mannequin dressed in full camouflage holding a rifle and wearing all sorts of gear. Thats when the realization hit me. You can buy a gun in this store, you can walk out with weapons from this store. Moreover all the people in this store probably own them. That was even more distressing. The demographics were painfully obvious, and I felt like I was in the south actually. However among the dead animals and killing accoutrement in the center of this enormous building is this man-made waterfall that churns the waters of a rather large fish tank. What was amazing was not this constructed monstrosity but the amount of people awing at it, as if it was as remotely significant as the smallest natural running of water outside that building. It was easy to judge every one internally as the stereo type of people was all too well represented in the shop. I half expected a tall-boy in the hands of some of these people while walking around the store. I couldn’t stomach to stay much longer so we made our way into the restaurant and I proceed to look over the menu. I’ll forego the bottle blondes ordering white wine and smoking menthols in the outside seating and simply note that somehow a simple meal took about two and a half hours. Usually at these types of restaurants they are pack ‘em in and push ‘em out but this time it was like being a clock watcher, suddenly the hands move backward. Somewhere in the middle of the whole thing I simply began laughing semi-quietly to myself like a madman out of the sheer absurdity of the situation.

After lunch I try to make it back to the car avoiding the video demonstration of some sort of magic fishing bait and the enormous keg like mugs. I figure if I move quickly enough the impulse buying bug won’t hit me. Especially with the discount lures conveniently located near the checkout isles where the candy should be. Maybe it was sheer will but I managed my way out without making a purchase and hoped that I would never have to set foot in such a place again.